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General Musings, Reviews

Piranha 3DD Review

Like most horror films that achieve even the slightest of successes they usually spawn a sequel that is usually unwanted and unwarranted and will usually more than not be utter rubbish, ‘Piranha 3DD’ is one of those films. Off the back of the relative success of ‘Piranha 3D’ in 2010 somebody somewhere thought it would be good to make a sequel. So how do you make a sequel to ‘Piranha 3D’? Replace the lake with a water park and add an extra D to the films title…magic! Does this sequel to the original Piranha offer something as fun as James Cameron’s Piranha sequel in 1981? Read on…

As a massive horror fan I am accustomed to the numerous sequels, prequels and sagas that emanate from the genre but there are many that are worth the watch, but this time round though I felt the sequel was not totally necessary I was interested and expecting an equally entertaining and funny film as the first one was. However that was not actually the case for ‘Piranha 3DD’ as its not so bad its funny it is incredibly bad with few saving graces and is something that should have premièred on the Sy-Fy channel.

Just when you thought it was safe to go back to the cinema!
‘Piranha 3DD’ was never going to be about the story, no horror film or creature feature really is but regardless the film does have the bare bones of one even if it is ridiculous and makes little sense at times. The film follows the re-opening of a water park owned by Chet (David Koechner) & her step daughter Maddy (Danielle Panabaker), Maddy has returned to the park to find Chet has turned it into a gimmicky pool including an adults only area that has women flaunting around in no clothing at all and is ran by a bunch of morons. Maddy obviously upset seeks to reconcile with her friends upon her return, but she is not the only thing to arrive as the evil prehistoric piranha have moved from Lake Victoria to plague the water park and its surrounding waterways. In addition to this story we have mini-piranha that can apparently insert themselves into peoples bodies and wait for it…..(SPOILER ALERT)…..walk on land.
The acting as one would expect in a film such as this is second rate the only redeeming features of which are the film many cameos by notable actors. Gary Busey stars in the humorous opening scene, Ving Rhames returns in the same role from the first with titanium shotgun legs and Christopher Lloyd shows up again as the crazy but intelligent marine biologist and David Hasselhoff as himself. By far each of these cast members show up the rest of the amateur cast with their on-screen presence and skill and they were all willing to make fun of themselves and thumbs up to the director for utilising them so well.

The Hoff is a highlight!

As for the horror in the film we are given some decent gore and special effects but nowhere near the level we are given in the first film, a few limbs here and there and a severed penis go some way to satisfying the gore hounds but mostly its just daft extremes. On the other hand the piranha look rubbish, its been a while since I saw the first but I am sure these piranha look worse and their scenes lack variety as they only really appear to be coming straight at the camera for the 3D effect. On the topic of the 3D apparently this was the first to be filmed fully in 3D but you can not really tell, a few close ups and piranha jumping at the screen the 3D is worthless. This becomes incredibly frustrating because had the 3D been used better for the horror and the comedy scenes it would have made the film better and more of a funny experience instead all we get are close up crotch shots with or without piranhas.

Now with all seriousness aside ‘Piranha 3DD’ was intended to be funny, stupid wild ride into the creature feature genre and any level of criticism could be thrown its way for what it does wrong but usually when films try to do this they make mistakes and do stupid on purpose….Not ‘Piranha 3DD’. The only funny parts are the cameos, especially the hoff, and the ridiculous deaths featured in the film, when it tries to be funny on purpose it fails miserably. What makes all this worse is that at times it tries to be serious and up the tension of which there is none to be found, I tried to laugh at it but it was just too bad to even enjoy.

Somebody brought him his legs…

Overall ‘Piranha 3DD’ is a poor excuse of a creature feature and sequel, it tries to hard to be bad and actually is a bad bad film and it tries too hard to be funny by people who are just not funny and when this goes together we have a concoction of crap that is nowhere near worth the 3D premium you would pay at the cinema. The only decent feature of the film is the use of cameos throughout the most impressive and funny being that of Hasselhoff playing himself, the chaotic conclusion at the water park is not as mental as what happened in Piranha but it does its best to gross you out. Fans of the original might find it hard to enjoy this because of how poor the film is and it may have had more success as a Sy-Fy exclusive release on it channel, but no it demands the public pay large sums of money to experience how bad it is first hand.

About Snooty Usher Dan

Favourite Film: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) Worst Film: The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007) Guilty Pleasure: Step Up 2: The Streets (The dancing is awesome ok.....)


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