It’s finally happened. I’m reviewing wrestling.
I’m not sure if it’s brilliant or terrible. And I’m just talking about my review…
Have you watched it yet? The Final Deletion has been the most talked about moment in wrestling since… well, I’m not sure. But it is something really special.
Let me assure you all by saying that what I’m reviewing today isn’t really a wrestling match. It’s a mini movie based around two feuding brothers who are wrestlers. It has been on TV in the UK now, has been released on YouTube by Impact Wrestling, and is ludicrously, ridiculously entertaining. So I’m going to review it here. I’m also going to give a quick introduction to the two participants, Brother Nero and Broken Matt Hardy, but if you’re not interested, skip down to the YouTube video, have a watch, then read my review that follows the video.
If you have ever had any interest in wrestling, you know who Matt and Jeff Hardy are. If you don’t, here’s a quick recap. Two brothers who dreamed of being wrestlers when they were kids, they made their way to WWE in the late nineties as “jobbers”, local guys brought in to get beaten up by the talent.
Look how young they are! Matt and Jeff eventually became The Hardy Boyz (it was the nineties!) and started to gain some traction as a tag team. They battled with fellow up and comers Edge and Christian, and grew in popularity as they engaged in wild brawls. The addition of Lita as a valet/manager only increased the reactions they got from the crowds, and when veterans The Dudley Boyz got involved, their three-way rivalry made them legit stars, putting on more and more spectacular matches, including a famous triple threat Ladder match at Wrestlemania 2000, and a series of Tables Ladders and Chairs matches, which led to one of the most replayed spots in wrestling history, when Jeff Hardy was speared while hanging 15 feet in the air:
Eventually, the time came for the Hardys to split, as Matt Hardy became the villainous Matt Hardy V 1.0, while Jeff got more and more popular as a risk-taking daredevil, the Charismatic Enigma.
A slice of real life drama then almost sank – and then almost made – Matt Hardy’s career. Injury and a loss of interest from the crowd led to Matt Hardy being released from his contract, but when it was revealed that Matt’s real life girlfriend had cheated on him with Edge, he was quickly re-signed and put into a program with Edge. At this point it looked like Matt Hardy was going to break out as a huge star, but a few sub-standard displays meant he was firmly mired in the midcard for most of the rest of his run in WWE.
Jeff on the other hand went from strength to strength. While Matt was the more rounded wrestler, Jeff’s death defying stunts pushed him higher and higher up the card, until he did the unthinkable in 2008 and defeated the legendary Triple H and Hall Of Famer Edge for the WWE title.
When he reached the top of the mountain however, a series of unfortunate events led to him getting injured, and it was revealed that his brother Matt was behind these “accidents”. This led to a match between the brothers at Wrestlemania XXV, which Matt won, but broke his hand in the process, causing another aborted push for the older Hardy brother.
Jeff Hardy had one last big feud in him, with the straight edge CM Punk taking issue with the crowd “enabling” Jeff, who had struggled with drug addiction during his time in WWE. This led to CM Punk beating Jeff Hardy and forcing him to leave the WWE. The idea being that he would take some time off, heal his nagging injuries (a decade of falling off ladders and having a finishing move that involves somersaulting onto your opponent from the top rope had lead to herniated discs in his back) and return as an even bigger star. Within a few weeks however, he was arrested on drug trafficking charges after being caught with a significant amount of painkillers, steroids, and some more recreational drugs.
Instead of returning to WWE, Hardy chose to sign with TNA Impact Wrestling in 2010, as the Florida based company decided to go head to head with the WWE, moving its TV show to compete directly with Monday Night Raw. TNA was hammered in the ratings, but Hardy has had plenty of success there, being given more room to express himself, and has been given the chance to redeem himself after a terrible World Championship match in 2011 that saw him go to the ring clearly under the influence, resulting in champion Sting legitimately holding Hardy down after only 90 seconds to end the match early. He now seems to be clean and healthy.
Matt Hardy joined his brother in TNA, and again has had some personal issues, but has thrived in the last year or so, winning the TNA World Championship himself. He has since then developed an egotistical persona that has seen him become obsessed with the Matt Hardy Brand. He has also become increasingly obsessed with his brother, leading to a series of increasingly violent matches, all of which have been won by Jeff.
Matt Hardy has become increasingly strange, referring to himself as Broken Matt Hardy, and Jeff as Brother Nero (his middle name). Matt has also dyed a white streak in his hair, and began speaking in a truly bizarre accent. He then challenged Jeff to one final, winner takes all match – THE FINAL DELETION
There’s not really much more to explain, here’s the full thing. There were a couple of bizarre promos shown earlier in the night, and then the “match” was the main event of the show.
Enjoy it in all its madness.
You can see why I wanted to review it. You either absolutely hate me for wasting 20 minutes of your life, or owe me big time for showing you 20 minutes of awesomeness.
I am definitely in the camp that loves the ludicrousness of it. This doesn’t remind me of a particular wrestling match or angle, but instead I think of Kung Fury. It is two creative minds being given free reign to do whatever they want, and producing “the greatest thing ever”. And those aren’t my words, those are the words of Senior Wrestling Correspondent Jonny Hogarth.
I’m not sure how to review this, so I’m just going to break it down. I think this deserves a slightly unorthodox style. First of all – the birthday party for Matt’s son Maxel. Matt’s accent has done full Mexican to match his wife Reby Sky (plus, did you notice Maxel’s hair?). And the extraordinary xylophone!
Then there’s the drones (sorry, the fleet of aerial assault robots) attacking Brother Nero, including Vanguard 1 (V 1, geddit?) listing Jeff’s finishing moves as “Swanton Bomb” and “Phoney Twist Of Fate”. The hologram screaming “Brother Nero” is another highlight of 2016! Also, Jeff Hardy is one heck of a gardener.
Then we have Senor Benjamin “preparing the battlefield for massacre”, followed by the “licenced official” arriving and selling the bizarre surroundings perfectly. Broken Matt Hardy then summons Brother Nero by playing a violin given to him personally by Stradivari, despite the fact that he died nearly 300 years ago.
Broken Matt then refers to tonight as Brother Nero’s true Armageddon (the name of the event that saw Jeff win the WWE title back in 2008). We get a bit of wrestling, but this isn’t a regular match as we get ridiculous facial expressions before the weapons come into play – each one referencing a previous match between the two – with Broken Matt Hardy screaming “DELETE!”, before Brother Nero climbs a tree, only to miss his Swanton Bomb and narrowly avoid dying by just clipping a ladder.
There’s then a reference to 2009’s pyro incident, with Broken Matt Hardy shooting fireworks at his brother, as Jeff screams “WHAT’S WRONG WITH YOU?!?” This is followed by maybe my favourite moment in all of entertainment ever as Matt shouts “IT’S A DILAPIDATED BOAT!” just before hiding in a dilapidated boat!
There are then a couple of dark moments, with return of Jeff Hardy’s alter ego Willow, followed by Senor Benjamin tasering Willow, which is itself a call back to a horrible YouTube video the Hardys put out that shows a clearly stoned Jeff Hardy tasering Reby Sky and Matt. The “match” then finishes in typically bizarre style, as Jeff attempts another Swanton Bomb, this time off the top of a huge Hardy Boyz symbol, before Matt sets it on fire in a call back to the birthday candle from Maxel’s party earlier. Genius.
Seriously… I think this is a work of genius. Given totally free reign by TNA Impact Wrestling, Matt and Jeff Hardy have come up with one of the most entertaining pieces of TV you will see in all of 2016.
The only thing I know for certain is that this is a truly unique thing. I loved it, but I’m not totally sure it isn’t terrible.
Actually, there’s something else I know for certain. I want to watch it again!
Until next time, stay gold, Ponyboy, stay gold. See you soonish.
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