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xXx: Return of Xander Cage Review


Xander Cage has returned… but I wish he hadn’t

You know the trailer for xXx 3 really annoyed me. Not because it looks silly but because Ruby Rose quips “Xander Cage is back” and Vin Diesel retorts “Was I ever gone?”…Yes you were Vin, for an entire film that starred Ice Cube called xXx: State of the Union. But let us not be pedantic, we should be more concerned whether Xander Cage’s return is any good. It isn’t.

I went into the film expecting little, but what it gives you is worse. For 1 hour and 47 minutes xXx 3 subjects you to an endless stream of loud bangs, and if the sound of constant explosions and gunfire doesn’t deafen you the appalling lines will. Exposition infused dialogue about a weapon known as ‘Pandoras Box’ drones on scene after scene after scene after scene after scene after…you get the point. It’s a super dangerous weapon which only extreme sports stars and crazy people can find. Speaking of crazy people the last time I saw a rag tag group of paper thin characters this rubbish was… Anyhoo the swath of new characters given zero time to develop reeks of a pitiful attempt at recreating the success of The Fast and Furious franchise’s resurgence. One or two characters you can get away with, but shoehorning footballers into the film with absolutely no bearing on the story is just pointless. Maybe they’ll sell a couple more tickets in Brazil.

Joining Vin Diesel in this shallow excursion is the films highlight Donnie Yen, who if there should be a film about extreme sports stars turned spies should be the lead. Joining Yen is Tony Jaa who acts a little weird, Ruby Rose who is rather bland, and Rory McCann who likes to crash into stuff. If the monetary motives of utilising an international cast wasn’t obvious enough, Chinese actor/singer Kris Wu stars as one of Xander Cage’s personal team and literally does nothing. But when your special skill is actually being a DJ what else can you expect? As much as I would like to bask in the suspension of disbelief, the collective skills of Cage’s team outside of Ruby Rose’s character are so dumb you can’t look past them.

xXx: The Return of Xander Cage marks the end of Vin Diesel’s triumphant return of bringing his popular characters back to the silver screen. I don’t wish anybody the pain of suffering through senseless drivel such as this unnecessary and pointless sequel.

About Snooty Usher Dan

Favourite Film: One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (1975) Worst Film: The Hills Have Eyes 2 (2007) Guilty Pleasure: Step Up 2: The Streets (The dancing is awesome ok.....)

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